


start line (i miss you, i miss you)

by shallowheart



Series: ??????????????? [3]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Choi Yeonjun Says Fuck, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Okay now that im not being an idiot lets think of better tags, One curse word, Saudade, Soft Choi Soobin, Soft Choi Yeonjun, and ur both bi, as with everything, but i digress, but neither of you knows if the other is serious, i am writing these tags before writing the story, i got this sudden urge to write this, i think, ish, its that thing where ur relationship is kinda gay, maybe its more than light angst, please forgive me if it suddenly becomes a lot sadder, this is overall just soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallowheart/pseuds/shallowheart
Summary: “That’s the worst way to miss somebody. When they’re right beside you and you miss them anyway.”― Pittacus Lore, I Am Number FourFive times Yeonjun missed Soobin and the time Soobin missed him back.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: ??????????????? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677568
Comments: 12
Kudos: 134





	start line (i miss you, i miss you)

|| 1 ||

Soobin's just kind of doing his homework in the kitchen, now. It's a perfect arrangement: He doesn't have to get up for snacks, and since he never cooks there's no hygiene deficiency when he falls asleep on the counter while writing a paper. It also means that Soobin can make coffee at any moment, and he barely has to move. Beomgyu is pretty sure there's a flaw in his logic or an unhealthy coping mechanism in there somewhere, but Soobin carefully reminds him of the whole second semester of freshman year and it's enough to silence him. 

Regardless, Soobin hunches over his laptop at a time his eyes are too blurry to discern from the corner of the screen, nursing a freshly brewed cup of coffee with his lips and fingertips tingling from the heat. His apartment is dead silent, and all other lights except the kitchen are off to conserve energy. Soobin thinks he should be appropriately terrified of the dark, but if he's honest he's more scared of the way letters swim across the screen when his eyes are open just a little too long.

It takes him a few minutes to notice his thigh has gone numb, and he looks down to where he sees his phone lighting up and vibrating with so much frequency that his brain sends a little shock to wake him up all the way, just in case there's an emergency. He takes a look at the notifications, and it's-

The alphabet. Someone's texting him the alphabet at god-knows-what time. If Soobin were anyone else, he's pretty sure he'd burst into a ball of raging questions, cause at least three explosions, and finally block the person who disturbed his non-sleep when he sent out a message detailing he'd be busy.

But he's just Soobin, not a furious Karen, so he opens the messages with an exasperated and slightly deranged snort.

' ** _w_** ' is the most recent one. Soobin's kind of shocked, because the person is messaging him both uppercase _and_ lowercase, which is a bit of dedication just to get his attention. He checks the contact name and smiles, because what kind of predictability is that?

It's Yeonjun. Soobin scrolls up a little and sees the messages have been going on for a while now, all coming within a few seconds of each other and ranging through a degree of different things such as copypastas or the names of their friendgroup letter by letter. Some of the longer paragraphs have several minutes in between, implying that Yeonjun typed them up by hand.

' ** _hyung_** ' he starts typing back, but as soon as he puts a finger in the text box the bottom of the screen reads " _Jjunie-Hyung is typing_..." with such an intensity that it makes Soobin a bit sheepish.

' _ **YOU'RE ALIVE'**_

_**'SOOBINIE'** _

_**'FINALLY'** _

And, well, Soobin has to say something back now.

' ** _hiii, hyung'_**

' ** _don't "hiii, hyung" me'_**

_**'you've got some nerve leaving me hanging for this long'** _

_**'sorry!! i was working on my pappers'** _

_**'papers*'** _

_**'have you finished them yet?'** _

_**'do you need hyung to come over and help?'** _

_**'it's okay, hyung'** _

_**'i'll finish soon! just a little more'** _

_**'you're not drinking coffee again, are you?'** _

_**'i don't want to deal with your migraines tomorrow'** _

Soobin swishes his cup guiltily, but his chest thumps loudly at the number of questions. Yeonjun makes it hard to not get his hopes up, to not think he might be even the slightest bit interested with how carefully he cares and how much attention he pays.

But Soobin knows better. So instead, he answers.

**_'hyung, what was this for?'_ **

**_'what was what for'_ **

Soobin sighs.

**_'the messages, hyung'_ **

**_'did you need something??'_ **

**_'oh? nah'_ **

**_'then why so many???? you just spammed me for laughs??'_ **

**_'i just missed u lol'_ **

And that's just...peachy if you ask him. Absolutely fine. Perfect. Fantastic.

Soobin sends Yeonjun a barely-coherent string of excuses, some vague mockeries, and makes a totally gracious exit from the chat while requesting that Yeonjun gets some sleep.

Despite how much it affected him, a few minutes later Soobin is back on his work, squinting at the screen. His stupors with Yeonjun's odd outbursts never last long.

|| 2 ||

A blistering weekend like this one has little effect if you just don't go outside, and Soobin swears by that. So if anyone were to catch him laughing quietly to himself, peeking out the window in the library at the foolish extroverts enjoying themselves and getting a higher risk of skin cancer, he wouldn't be ashamed to admit it before going back to his lab. He kind of wishes he could go out to eat as long as he was in a restaurant, but there's no time for him to do that with the due dates fast approaching.

His phone buzzes. Soobin sighs, already knowing where the call is going to go the moment he looks at the face on his screen. The smile in the picture is always blinding, so he answers as soon as possible.

"Hyung, you know I'm busy," Soobin manages to get in before what he knows is coming, screen dark as the video feed loads. 

Yeonjun's face is petulant, framed by the familiar colour of the wall outside Soobin's apartment, "You're sneaky. Why did you leave? I was going to take you out to eat some chicken."

"You can still bring me food," Soobin raises an eyebrow, "You just can't stay. You're distracting, Hyung, and I already procrastinated this lab enough."

"But that's no _fun!_ " Yeonjun pouts harder. Soobin resists the little tug of endearment in his stomach, because Yeonjun's lips are the kind that is perfect for getting what you want by just turning them up a little, and Soobin is usually ( _usually_ ) a very weak person.

But today is not like usual, and he knows Yeonjun is aware of it by the way he hasn't looked him in the eye since The Party. Soobin doesn't know why the elder chose to pretend he couldn't remember, but he plays along with it anyway.

(Maybe he does know. Maybe he just doesn't want to admit Yeonjun really dislikes the thought of being with him. Dislikes it that much he'd rather pretend to not remember Soobin trying to kiss him while drunk even after Soobin tried to bring it up the next morning. Even though Yeonjun was sober.)

"We'll talk when I finish, okay Hyung?" he says instead, smiling a little helplessly, "I know you wanted to go to the lake today. Go have fun."

Yeonjun huffs, nodding, and shoots him some air kisses through the phone, "Fine. Bye-bye, I guess. I miss you."

Soobin waves, and hangs up, and tries not to think about it anymore.

(Tries not to think about Yeonjun being fine with kissing him only so long as it's through a screen.)

|| 3 ||

Soobin sometimes forgets that people have places to go, during the summer. He's never had to travel very far, never really seen the point of rushing towards a tourist spot that isn't walking distance from his parent's house, because his life can't get any fuller by seeing some pretty rocks and human litter. Places are made by the people they hold, and Soobin's plenty content with his world with the people he has around him. 

He's less content when those people are far away, but Soobin has learned to manage. Yeonjun calls often, showing him the places that Kai takes him in Hawaii like he's trying to fit his whole trip with the younger through the phone so Soobin can experience it as well. Soobin might as well be throwing up rainbows, and he doubts he'd be any happier if he were.

Every call ends and starts with ' _I miss you, Soobinie'_ , and Soobin each time responds with ' _I_ _know_ ' as if it didn't cause a thorn to bury itself in his side every time he hears it.

|| 4 || 

They bump into each other when Soobin is getting groceries. It's such a mundane thing to be doing, something so normal, for a second he forgets they haven't spoken to each other in a month, now. And then comes the shock.

Yeonjun's face hasn't changed much, because it's still _Yeonjun_ , and Soobin shouldn't have been expecting him to look a little different because nobody can change their actual face. But he expected him to at least have the decency to look a little bit less stunning, a little bit less completely and utterly intoxicating because he'd thought being in love made people look more attractive, more perfect than they actually are.

But Yeonjun just looks like himself, if a little less energetic. 

A little is an understatement. Soobin hasn't seen Yeonjun look this tired since he was hired for his first choreography job, and he never thought he'd see him leave the house in anything less than a perfectly matched outfit, and-

Soobin doesn't think he's very good at this 'fight-then-keep-your-distance-so-you-fall-out-of-love' thing. He blames it on Yeonjun.

The same Yeonjun who's standing in front of him, who's looking up at him with eye bags and a pasty face, with remnants of old streaked eyeliner on his face like he hasn't washed it in a few days and doesn't care anymore.

"We should-" Yeonjun says, breathing deeply through his nose, "You-Blocked me, didn't you?"

"Yes, that's what you're supposed to do," Soobin says, twice as dryly as he feels, "When you don't want to see someone."

The ' _anymore'_ is Soobin's to keep.

Yeonjun's nostrils flare, but his eyes are wet, "Can we, Uhm, do you think we could-"

"Could _what_ , Hyung?" Soobin doesn't like this. He hates it-Hates that he struggles to keep his voice cold, hates that he stiffens completely when Yeonjun whimpers, hates that he has to hold his hand back with the weight of his damned tomato cans just so he doesn't wipe at a smudge on Yeonjun's cheek. Hates it, he hates it, he hates-

" _Talk_ , like _NORMAL PEOPLE!_ " Yeonjun's shout is sudden, surprising him so strongly he lets his mouth fall open. He hears someone cough, a few aisles down. " _Please_ , let's just-"

"Jjunie-hyung, are you _crazy_?" Soobin doesn't mean to let the nickname slip. It's too much, too fast, and everything he tried to build up is crumbling so fast that Soobin can't keep up with the rush of emotions.

Yeonjun's eyes are definitely more than a little manic as he answers, "Am I _crazy_? I don't know! I don't know if I'm crazy because I just want us to fucking _talk to each other_. I don't-The only thing I never wanted for us was to fall apart, Soobin-ah. Maybe I'm a little crazy for that, but all I know is that-"

Soobin knows it's coming, he knows it is, but he can't pull up any defense fast enough. Can't even think to do it, not when there's a whole part of his body screaming at him to just do what Yeonjun says.

"-I _miss_ you," Yeonjun shudders, closing his eyes, and Soobin kind of wants to cry hysterically. "We don't have to talk it out _now_ , not here, but just unblock me so we can figure out a time to do it. Please, Soobinie."

"Okay," Soobin hears himself say, "Okay."

|| 5 ||

Soobin doesn't know how to handle being this warm. He's cuddled with Yeonjun before, but it's never been quite so charged with-Something. Soobin's still trying to figure out that part, preferably before he finishes roasting alive under Yeonjun _and_ a blanket. He runs his fingers down Yeonjun's back, presses kisses to his head, stares at the ceiling and contemplates every decision that led him here, to this moment, to being so warm inside and out that he's considering just shucking everything off him and sleeping buck naked int the bathtub with the water on as if it would cool him down.

Yeonjun's tight grip on his torso says otherwise, but Soobin can dream.

"-ffed you," Yeonjun says, then turns his head so the words aren't muffled against Soobin's shirt, instead letting him feel his mouth forming them against the side of his neck, "Missed you so much. _So_ much. I love you."

Soobin grins, and his stomach flutters, and _Get a grip, damn it_ , "I love you too, Hyung. You have no idea."

|| + 1 ||

Yeonjun's drawing him a flower. Soobin leans against his shoulder, watches the lines come out crooked under his pencil, and is suddenly filled with the urge to just-

"Hey, Hyung?"

"Mm? Is it not good? I'm trying, you know."

"No, it's not that. I miss you."

"You..miss me? But I'm right here?"

"Yeah," Soobin nods, shutting his eyes, "I know. I just miss you."

**Author's Note:**

> *covers face* i am but a bean,,,,,a yeonbean,,,,,,,


End file.
